I guess I knew it would happen.

Someone thought Bill was Becca's Grandfather today...
She had been told that fact by other's who know us, fairly well.
Or so I thought.
Perhaps people just assume even when presented with facts like
"This is my husband, Becca's step-Father."
The person in error appologised profusly.
I said it was ok, and that confusion can happen
when two people so vastly different in age marry.
And that indeed, Bill is significantly older than I.


Anyways..

he is actually a year older than Becca's Grandfather on my side
would have been. :)

Someone once said I was mentally ill for marrying
someone so much older.
If having and loving a man like Bill makes me mentally ill.
Then yay for being out of my mind.
Believe me..women dream about having a husband that
would treat them like Bill treats me.
I'm not bragging.
I am stating fact.
I pay for it with the knowledge that he will probably
die long before I do.
But one has to live now...
not for before, and not for after.

Does this have anything to do with knitting?

Not really..unless you count the fact that Bill does...
Knit.
Among other things.



 

doom and gloom-aboom,boom,boom

I have been Ms Negative Pants lately, eh?

But really, I'm a generally happy person.
I suppose that's because I get it out.

But I admit..this last year has been a very tough one...

sigh I even stopped painting.

I also stopped getting things out in other ways...
that is until I would just explode.

But I have started painting again...and everything seems to be
much more balanced.

I had stopped painting for ten years before...for various reasons.
And when I HAD to start again, I mean I NEEDED to paint.
I was getting a divorce.
But when I decided to start again, I wasn't sure that I could.
Then I painted this flower.
I think it's ok.

Less than a mile..

My sister lives less than a mile from me.
I forgot my camera battery charger when I was there last.
When I was there last, was Christmas.

We have been too busy to find
a time for me to get it when she is there.
Or for her to drop it by to me.

I see her husband more than I see her....but
he is our realtor, and we are desperate to find land.

So...I see my realtor brother in law ( yeah..I write it ALL out, and my kid isn't my DD either.)a lot more than I do his lovely wife...
My beautiful muralist sister is extremely busy.

So...

this is why I dont have pics to show lately!

And why I cant show you what I found yesterday.
I went to a local store here where they sell everything
from pharmaceuticals to goat milk cheese to clothes...and cheap.

I saw that they had sweaters and other knits, so
I looked at the seams of some.
Most were natural fibers...wool, cotton..and
some silk/angora/wool blend knit skirts.
And they had good seams for unraveling
( hand finished with mattress stitch as opposed to serged)..

and there was a sign saying "ALL clothing 99 cents"!

I got a GIANT sapphire blue wool sweater...
seriously..it was big on me, and I wear an 18.
It was marked size small...but it was enormous, and
it is cable knit..so a ton of yarn in that thing...and
it has a large cowl neck!
I estimate that it is maybe ...hmmm...4000 yards
of fingering weight wool...
At 4.5 per 220 a yard ball...it would have cost more
than 80 dollars.

I then also bought the silk/angora/wool blend
skirts...4 of them.
lets say also about 4000 yards? At say 7 dollars
a ball that is 220 yards? 127 dollars.

But I paid 5 dollars..for all of it!

The down side?
The skirts while coming apart fairly easily,
are made of two strands of very fine yarn, held together.
Makes it kind of fussy.
Also, while the skirts are unworn..I am
guessing the skirts have been alive for awhile. The yarn inside of the waistband is much brighter....if you can call any of it bright.
The two strands are a shell pink and a grey held together.
The overall effect is...kind of beige.
It has to be dyed. I don't do beige.

eh...who the fuck cares.

I was on the phone while writing this
trying to reschedule an appointment for
Donna, to have her hearing checked.
We all have the flu...and all of us have earaches.
I thought rescheduling was the right thing.
Only to find out that they can't get her in until APRIL.
I tried to go ahead and keep today's
appointment because SHE CANT HEAR!
But the lady said she had canceled it
already...and it couldn't be undone.
I just started crying...and I can't seem to stop.
I have failed my child.
I just dont really deserve children.

Where's the knitting bitch?

"excellent comment! if i could express myself
that well
verbally, i'd talk a lot more."

The response to a comment I made 
on a peice of artwork titled "depression".
The comment doesn't matter..I am not 
one to regal you with puffed up stories of my 
prowess in any depatment..but especially verbal 
expression.

When it comes to figuring out what to say, I hurt deep
in my head and sweat in my heart.
I am pretty sure I'm getting it wrong, and will
probably alienate someone...

well...best I just stick with alienating myself.

One thing is certain; I now understand why it is said
that depression is anger turned inward.

I am angry.

Very, very angry...about so many things.

But alas...gratitude is my salvation and my grace.
I have far more to be grateful for than to be angry about.

I shall write this 100 times...

hmm..maybe I could convince Bill to work it into
a naughty professor/student scenario?

Bill could easily teach salvation and grace 101.
Odd though that he found both in the love of
a broken soul....


as for knitting...hmm...ofcourse.
I knit all the time. But I don't have alot for show.
I should show you Bill's 2x2 ribbing...
now that's a man that can rib!
And I give credit where it's due...even if the student
does surpass the teacher..
He can weave in ends and do duplicate stitch like
nothing I have ever seen.
WAY better than I do it.








 

trees?

I get freakin' weird ideas sometimes.

I wanna make big white papier mache trees.
Ones with no leaves.

I wouldn't mind making them water proof 
and putting glitter on them, etc..and decorating
 them with snow flakes and using them in the
 front yard.

I am a bad girl..I not only bought more yarn. But I also
bought the entire first season of Star Trek Deep Space 9
...for over 50 bucks.
I shouldn't have...
my Mom might need that 50 dollars for a bounced
check or something..or just because she "feels restless"
Which basically means "give me money or I'll sit here and
tell you how depressed I am... capped off with how everyone
abuses me."


No really..I love my Mom.

I do wish she didn't eat 4 times more than
anyone else in the family.

I knitted for Christmas.
I also left my camera batteries and
charger at my sister's house.

In addition to finishing the other mitten for Becca,
I started a pair of cabled fingerless mitts for me.
They're pink!
I'm not using a pattern.
I think I have actually used a pattern...
hmmm
I made "nautie"
That's one reason I don't slam out FO's like other people.
Most things I have a formula for..and they go quick enough.
Other things...alot of swatching. Alot of trial and error.
AFTER alot of sketching.
But the fingerless gloves...that's easy.
I just picked up my tools and let 'er rip.

Yanno....I see all the time on Amazon and
other places where books are reviewed...under
the knitting catagory...
the reviewers feel the need to say.
"This is not a book for beginners." ,
quite often.
It sounds to me like they are saying.
"I know this fact because I myself am an expert."
and
"As an expert I can and will say what books
are suitable for beginners."

I would love to think it's just a case of an
experienced one wanting to steer the innocent
newbie away from the perils of intermediate
writings.
But...
there is rarely a reference to a book that IS good for a
beginner.
And there is generally reference to all that they can do in
one form or another


Now..if that doesn't make you angry...

What is it with yarn snobs!?
What really cracks me up...acrylics that
are acceptable if they are put out by some
"fashionable" company.
What also cracks me up are "fashionable" yarns
that are pure crap!
No..I'm not the world's biggest fan of Red Heart Super Saver.
But...acrylic in general, has it's place.
And people who knit with it...and who knit with Lion's Brand, Red Heart, Paton's, Caron's....STOP LETTING YARN SNOBS MAKE YOU FEEL YOU SHOULD APPOLOGISE!



 

I get in these moods...

and it's better for me to just show a pic.

Scarf and hat.
Scarf is machine knit with hand finishing. 
Hat is handknit...mittens in the works.
Yeah, yeah
I showed these already...
but not totally finished and blocked.

The child wanted short fringe...just seems so wrong.
But...she is my first born.
 



First born and I also made soaps and bath bombs last week!
We put marbles in some....looks sort of weird, but feels
kind of fun
in the tub.



Blogger is pissing me off...everything is pissing me off.
Hence my reference to moods.
I know TV Land had better not have Star Trek on right now
after having it on at midnight last night.

I'm really just pissed at Bill.
Really pissed...cause..
I love him so much?

And he went ahead and risked his life driving out of
state in bad weather...well..it seemed alot worse
at the time..
when I asked him not to.
Asshole...making me worry
like that.
Not bad enough for him that I will
spend my old age alone...
he has to risk leaving me even earlier.
Shit...now I'm crying.
Gotta go....hate when I'm like this.

Hey..I'm also making the coolest ...maybe it's a shrug?
It's for me. It's gonna have lace ups here and there like a corset
does.
Not to worry...
I know what's a real corset.
I remember when Bill wanted to
buy me this dress..
sigh...
and I feel bad about yarn.
The dress was 500 dollars.
And we weren['t even engaged!
True...we've been together for YEARS...
and had been before we talked about
marriage.
Me: "I love you" Click. I then hung up on him.
Next day I call back.
Me: "Erm...hi.."
Bill: "Hi"
Me: "You still want to talk to me?" "Not scared off are you?"
Bill: "Huh?" "Are you kidding?!"
"You know I love you!"
Me:"Well....I didn't actually think you MEANT that!"
Bill: "I LOVE YOU!"
Me: " Me too"
Bill: "So...what do we do now?"
Me: " Do? We don't DO anything"
Bill: "Oh"

And then we said goodbye for that moment.
Phone goodbye, yanno.
I learned later, that the diamond I wear now had already long been purchased by that time...with hopes on his part, that one day...

Several years later...

Me:
( written)
I love you.
I don't want to live with you, but
I want to marry you.

Bill: ...alot of crying...and laughing...and
saying stuff about how he had always hoped..

The next month when the ring was ready...

by that point he already had it at the jewelers...the
stone that is..having the ring made...which took forever...
and ruined his little Christmas surprise of asking me first.

yes...

the next month..

he officially proposed.

We met like...back in 86?

We're lucky we lived long enough...geesh!

Unbelievable the things that man has rescued
me from..and put up with from me.

Drugs, affairs, smelling like a vets office,
bitchy moods, having not one..
but ..
two children with another man.
Disorganization, messiness, and mayhem..
my obsessions with knitting and art.
My tantrums.
Sigh...ok


he can go to West Virginia.

But TVLand better not fuck up tonight.
Star Trek and knitting is my sanity.

And Bill, ofcourse.

Oh...the dress reminded me of all that..
or I thought of the dress because of the shrug...
and it's corset like laces.

The dress was a corset dress...
I made one of my leaps in explaing all of that.

kind of done

Donna's sweater.
I still need to put all the buttons, and weave in some ends.
But..it's kind of done.

Model( Donna)is home sick from school today.

Sweater is not intended to wear with PJ's.

My Mom is too much.
Seriously..I love my Mom, but...
Well..I could see myself doing the Mother Daughter version of that old blog "Why I hate my flat mate."
Or whatever it was called.

Food messes and filth are ok...but knitting being left around is shameful and slovenly.
She hopes for the day that I will stop painting, because she thinks it's too messy.
And has tried to get me to move my studio to the garage.
I reminded her that HER car is parked there.

I might also say that I own this house.
I support my Mother.
I buy the bananas and oranges whose peels she leaves around.
I buy the socks( and make!) that she uses to stop a bloody nose and then leaves laying here, there, and everywhere.
I buy the insulin syringes that she insists on never thowing out...much less never thowing out properly.
But this time took the cake.

I said something about needing to get back to work on Donna's sweater because sweaters dont knit themselves.
She says something about how she would have a whole bunch of sweaters if they did.
So I ask...
"Mom..would you like me to make you a sweater?"
She looks at Donna's bulky knit sweater with distaste and says.
"Oh..no...that's ok...I like my sweaters to be a little more refined."
WTF?

I reminded her that sweaters can be made in all sorts of ways and that this one is this way intentionally...but still..WTF?

Somehow though...just as boxed Mac and Cheese will always be superior in her mind over homemade, and canned soup so much better than my soup....
A machine made sweater from Wal-mart says love far better than one of my unrefined homemade ones.

And she sews....

Oh yes..her view on sewing verses knitting.
And my releuctance with sewing( ok...fear)

"Well..some people aren't meant to sew. It takes alot of presicion. Some people are just meant to knit..and you do that very well."

I will not call my Mom a bad name. I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.I will not call my Mom a bad name.

ok...done.

As for the sweater..I am especially pleased with the short row shaping done on the collar/back neck...I dont know what it would be called...it just seemed natural to do that. Gave it the baseball jacket look.
Also am pleased with the sleeves..knitted in the round, directly onto the sweater. And the heart...nice for no chart what so ever.
Entire sweater was a wing it project...no written pattern exists.




 

childhood fantasies

"You wanna a peice of meat!?"

That has been a sorce of giggles for a few years now.
Ever since Becca thought that the phrase being parodied 
by a cartoon character was that instead of "You want a peice of me?!"

She would shout that at me when i would tell her to pick up
her toys or any other undesirable maternal command.

I have never been very tolerant of her challenges to my
authority...but that one was just plain funny...
especially since she was dead serious... black eyes flashing..

"You wanna a piece of meat!?"

She'd get so mad when I would start laughing and request a steak.

Anyways...that's the tough girl phrase in our house, as far as the girl's are concerned...
They still aren't quite sure why it makes me laugh.

I bought Becca something today that she has been begging for.
Wings..

They flutter and play a tune while strapped onto the child's back.
She has been so ill, I thought a bit of cheering up was in order.

So...if you buy it for one child...you buy it both.

Donna has had a blast with hers.
She put them on and went fluttering and tearing through the house.
She came around the circle formed by hallway, livingroom, and dining room...stopped, said "GRRRRR!"
Then with wings doing their angelic dance, and heavenly tunes along side of the wing action, she says...
"You wanna piece of meat!?"

Becca was pleased...played with hers some...but feels too crappy to indulge in any wild childhood fantasies.
She took them off after a few moments, and asked when she would be 4'9"
Maybe she wants to grow bigger than the cold that is living in her nose and chest.

At least she didn't ask me this time what would happen if someone put a flower down the toilet.

In other news.


I have added to my stash...I have added ribbon yarn.
pretty ribbon yarn that makes me feel all tingly.

And no..I am not a yarn snob...Lion Brand is good enough for me.
I dont mind any yarn...so long as it isn't crispy.
That super sparkly stuff ( greens and purples) IS crispy...and wasn't cheap even marked half off of list. Bill had a great idea.
I was going to use it as a bag...he offered the suggestion of making a long "sash" that could be a scarf or a belt...or a whatever.
He probably wants to tie me up with it.
One can only hope. ;)

Oopsy...I should leave out any and all BDSM references, shouldn't I?
Nah....if you can't handle it, go to another blog.
I am the submissive knitter. And I bet I'm not the only one.

And yeah..I'm not all that submissive in everyday life.
Go figure.

If it's me then fine...

It's one thing if I'm the one that's sick.
But I freak out ...quietly, when my family is sick.
I have this masochistic desire to take it all away
 from them.
 To bear the pain, and sniffles.
Yeah...whatever.
I'm also sick...but trying to hold it together for 
everyone else.
I really worry when Bill is sick. He is 67.
I dont think about him being older when I look at him.
But sometimes that fact is hard to ignore.
Or I should say the fears related to that fact
 are hard to ignore.
Will he just suddenly leave me one day?
Yea...he'll leave me one day.
You accept that when your mate is 30 year older 
than yourself.
But will I get to prepare?
Will he just get pneumonia and be suddenly gone?
Or will it not have anything at all to do with age, and
 be my biggest fear....

that his shitty, reckless driving is one day going to be
 the end of him 
and about 12 other motorists. 
The one thing he has to reckless about in life
( other than marrying me...what was he
thinking then?...geesh...)..and he has to make
it an activity done in speeding traffic.

I will not mourne my husband before he is gone.
.I made the mistake of doing that with my Dad.
I will not think about how I will miss that smile
one day, and
the smell that has said "man" to me for the last
20 years.
I will cherish that smile, and that smell now...

just as soon as my nose clears up.

EDIT:

How could I forget my good news!
The cops are pregnant!
Well..the female part of the cops is pregnant!( my neighbors...both Westerville's finest).
Since I saw here last September at the Westerville event "Cops and Kids" being repeatedly dunked in the ...that dunking game thingy...

all in the name of teching children about safty and the police in general...

I gained a huge respect for her.
I wasn't very nice when she came to my door two days after I had moved in, with what I thought was an agenda. Sign me up for the neighborhood political scene.
I refused to allow her to list my name , address, and phone number...
in spite of the amazing cookies that she had baked.
I did design art just for her in the form of a "thank you" card.
But still..I later regreted my attitude. Anyone who will go through that kind of wetting, has some substance.
She will make a fabulous Mom.
Anyways...what this all really means?
I have a baby to knit for!
Oh YES!
YES!

And it's a girl.
Oh double YES, YES!

erm..here is the card graphic that I made for her( as well as for my family room)....she has probably thrown it away...



Can you believe that I used to feel bad for making a pic that had no meaning behind it? What the hell is wrong with liking color, form, line...and all the trimmings...for the sake of those things alone.
Like I said..I dont appologise anymore.
And if I dont want to make a statment...then I wont.

Baby girls knits...sigh...

I'm excited!

boo!

( ghost face painted by me)

Damn I'm tired. Sick kids, halloween, cupcakes made for my daughter's classroom party...that she was too ill to attend.
We pumped her up with meds so she could do a bit of trick or treating.
Maybe it was a poor parental decision, but it broke my heart to think that after marking each day off on the calender all month, talking non stop about how fun it would all be, how much she loves seeing and talking to all the neighbors( beggers night around here has a block party feel to it...it's fantastic.)I just couldn't stand to break HER heart.
She came up with the spooky princess idea all on her own...she elected not to bother with make up...a sensible choice.
Isn't she beautiful? When I look at that face, I see the whole world.


And her sister...the child so pretty that it makes me worry, wearing her poodle hat. I also knitted wrist bands and ankle bands so she would have a "poodle cut"


This is a better view of the hat.( edit...not so better..the pic was cut off, but you should be able to see it by scrolling down to an entry made last week, or just clicking the pic. I ofcourse would prefer you scroll down. ;) )


Anyways...in addition to that stuff, lots of work. Painting and knitting

I made something for myself! A pony tail hat!



I have never in 20 plus years made something for myself.
Then I fell in love with this yarn made by ...Red Heart.
It's called "Rag Doll". Described by them as roving wrapped in a fringed thread.
It is beautiful yarn but was oily and I had to wash it before I knit it so I didn't get hives.
After all that handling, I had to make something for myself. I caved over pretty colors.
Why is it a ponytail hat?
Because I made a hole in the back for my ponytail.
I was extremely pleased by that.

Other details...hmmm

my own pattern, colorway is "Wow", and I used 10 1/2 circular and DPN's.

And last but not least...a couple of painted pumkins!


Whew...alot of pics. Sorry if you are dial up.
Have a great day, night, stardate, whatever.

I need a new face

to this blog, that is.
First...I maintain the position that knitting and other textile and needle ...crafts are simply art in a different form.
They are as valid to me as painting.
So...
All the art is going to live together.
I want this to be a compilation of all my thoughts, writing, and whatever else I spit at you.

I have seperated myself from myself for too long.
Maybe I thought that if I put each part in a box, it would get easier to figure out...but it isn't.
I do know one thing..I have let others influence my art too strongly. I have let others tell me what is or isn't art.
I may argue, but I complied in the end.
It's funny. I was praised for color usage. Then I was told that I should be insulted by that.
I was praised for imagination...but when I did realism people seemed skeptical.
So I went on to try and prove my abilities there.
When noone responded, I just didnt know what to do.
I listened to my Mom when she more or less told me I wasn't all that good.
I got upset that I paint in the style that this person or that person paints.
I let other's tastes, skill, and opinions dictate how and what I paint....and knit....and every other creative pursuit.
I have to stop.
No one is going to tell me what, how where, or why anymore.
I dont care if DiVinci himself comes to haunt me and tell me it's wrong.
In fact...the more I think about it..I dont need a new face..
I need MY face.
Anyone that doesn't like it can look elsewhere.

Hmmm..I had a new name for this blog figured out...then I forgot it.
Sigh..I hope it comes back to me because it was really good.

OK...the girls want to go out...I would rather cut my tongue out than go out right now ( or any other time generally speaking).
But you do things for your kids that you dont want to.
You just do.

And then I screwed it up again!

Bill was trying to rip the sweater from my hands as I began to rip again the back of this freaking sweater that should have taken about two days!
I am knitting in a large heart...and ...
God it's embaressing..

lets just say, I didnt measure or chart one damn thing..

heart was too low on the body.

As for Bil..he has never seen intarsia being done before..he saw all the tangled yarn...yeah....fuck bobbins I say!...

anyways...

he says "Honey...can I do something..you need me to hold something?!"

Poor man was truely alarmed...

I ofcourse have this "what the hell is your issue" look when I am doing something wrong and get called out on it...

A look that says "YOU have the problems buddy...not me!"

I have no idea why I'm not divorced yet.
I cant figure out how Bill has not seen me for the sub quality human that I am.

Oh well..some other time I guess.

When you have it figured out..

but still dont do it.

I have suddenly seen everything click into place like a dream.
All the things I have learned to do...the painting, the needlework.
I am supposed to be a textile/mixed media artist of some sort.
But I am quite frankly afraid.
I dont know why.
I have sold my paintings...and from what I have seen, straight painting is harder to sell than fiber art or mixed media.
Collage has exploded in popularity...and has began to be all the same. Some kind of black and white vintage compilation of photos with different body parts combined different ways to make a new human like form...and usually wearing pointy hats. Add some swirls and some flowers and dont forget some meaningful and personal handwritten text.
Voila...you have art that is sooooo unique that you learned how to do it from a book sold at Michaels.
Books about collage, altered books, etc were sadly just coppied instead of being starting points as I believe they were originally intended.
I want to incorporate my art into fiber. I have those I admire.
But I dont want to BE them. I dont want to be someone saying how creative they are when really they're just doing what is the trend.
I panicked when knitting became "in". Only continue to do it because I love it...and I have done it since way before it was the thing...and because like tattoos and peircings...you may see lots on the net, but it isn't really all that rampant in Westerville Ohio.

knitting good...drawing ...good too.

 Well, there you have it. I need to get the traditional art groove back.
I think I will do some knitting related graphics for the blog..and to offer to other bloggers.

I suck when it comes to any kind of ribbing. I am beginning to think that what I need are some largish projects that feature ribbing..and to forget about doing the Masters program swatches in order.

I blame Will Riker..his bearded cutness was distracting me..

poo..I lie. I suck at ribbing.

Plus I have my own bearded cutie. As for the ribbing..it's too bad to bother with photographing...sigh..or maybe it's not..maybe I should put it out there and ask for help.

270..DONE!

I finally finished the 270!
I finished while Bill and I were away at the cabin for his birthday...it is proof that a large item can get done just a bit at a time.
Noone has ever knitted anything for him before. He was touched by the fact that I had done this for him.
Also, we had a little mini party last night so the girls could take part in celebrating his birthday.
I dont think he has had a party just for him since he was a kid.
It is something to see my 67 year old giant man near tears because...people cared..
I love him like a crazy woman..I would give him a party everyday if it wouldn't lose it's specialness to do so..but alas....the once a year aspect ..or in his case once every 60 years , is what makes it special.
You know? When we got to the cabin this weekend...that man had flowers and candy waiting for ME?
This is what kind of man I married.
I'm always trying to figure out how I got so lucky as to get someone like him.
And I thank God that in spite of his age, he is in wonderful health.( and he has the handsome to prove it! He is still as fine a man now as he was when he was 40. )
In fact he and I have discussed and planned for the fact that due to my health..I may possibly be the first to go.
I sometimes feel like that I am trying to cram as much into my life as possible...just in case.
I need to let common sense prevail and slow down...if I completely exhaust myself, I will go all the faster.
I have come to the point lately that I never stop..I go and go and work and work, until 3 or 4 in the morning. I dont go to bed..I pass out.


Ooo..I got some Lacette for a shawl..so I like cheap yarn..sue me. I have kids to feed.

I am beginning to wonder about all the yarns that I have encountered that give a larger needle size than you really would want to use with that yarn. Are they trying to make the yarn seems like an instant gratification yarn?
This yarn's ballband says to use a size three. The top of the swatch shown here is a size one.
The larger needle just made messy stitches, and giant holes. Ooops..I need to buy a size one straight needle....sigh..I went to Joanne's to buy a needle the other day and ended up spending 80 dollars ...Mom showed me were the clearance fabic is kept. Size two just doesn't get it with this yarn either..but it may have to..I already own some size two needles.

I will double post..dont think I wont.

I see that only blog team members can comment.
Well..I am not aquiring team members anytime soon..so..

I will double post to my old blog until blogger beta says I can get an occasional comment around here from someone other than myself.

I tried on Becca's sock..what possesed me to that I dont know..she is six..I am 39..there is a bit of difference in our foot sizes..not much but some.

Oh well..Mom falls in between Becca and me in foot size..if I stretched them to death by putting it on then..she can wear them.

But I wanted to make Mom something a bit more...womanly, as opposed to girlish.
She dresses kind of like a kid and has expressed a desire to look more grown up.
A good decision I guess at 59 and 4'9" tall.
She tends to wear things with cartoon carachters, small florals, funny sayings..kittens.
I dont mean to offend anyone..but to me that is a grown woman dressing like a child.
Only worse is those older maternity tops that manufacturors seemed to think they were making for babies..and not women having babies.
Eh.maybe you are just supposed to be feeling ultra feminine when you're pregnant.
I just felt ultra nauseated...and thank God I am young enough( or rather..I had my babies late enough..I was 33
when I had my first!) not to have had to become even
more nauseated when confronted with pastels pinstripes, ruffles, and tiny embroidered flowers in
ofcourse..pastels..as my only clothing options.

I blame my parents..

I hate when people blame their parents..

but when this all began..I was not yet my own person.
First..I will admit that I was a late emotional bloomer..
in fact, maturity is one of those things that still isn't a big part of my being ..it certainly isn't natural. I often have to force it though since I am responsible for several lives.
None the less..I have a huge safty net in my life. My husband.
HE is the actual adult..and I play grown up.
But I digress...

It used to be that I was far less my own person..and still very influenced by how my parents did things.
Now Dad did hold a good job..for 30 years...after he got clean from heroin and stopped getting arrested..no really..that is a fact. It isnt some joke entry making you think I came from trash roots..
I did.
But Dad wanted alot more for his kids.
Mom..well..
um..

Mom is one of those people who's life I am responsible for.

OK..I did go to college and I did get gainfully employed taking care of many other lives..they werent human, but..anyways.
I matured..some..Mom never did.
She seems to think she is "fun" the way she is.
Mom cant be bothered to read instructions. Mom cant be bothered to be neat or orderly. Mom cant be bothered to have the correct materials for a project...or even find out what those correct material might be. ( The woman once crocheted a blanket from a wool yarn AND an acrylic..boy was she surprised when she washed it.)
Mom does things Mom's way...screw good results.

Well..back when I taught myself to knit..

I knit a sweater first..with no pattern..and well..I needed to attatch the collar..so I devised a way.
It only looked kind of weird.
Just a tad.

I later started looking at those crazy things called patterns..and saw they wanted me to "pick up" stitches.

o..so it has a name..

I went on for all these years...until tonight..

thinking that I knew how to pick up stitches.
You know what?

Ofcourse you do.

I have been doing it WRONG!

I have been doing a "MOM" all these years!
It's sobering when I give you this info.

I am reduced to tears over some dumb assed thing my Mom has done at least 2 times a week..at LEAST.
Dont get me wrong..I love my Mom..but starting with the fact that she sent me to another country as a baby because she couldn't cope..and then turned around and had my sister..and left me there..and kept my sister..(with whom I am friends..)
well..we have a rocky relationship.
And yeah..I am finally starting to GET IT that Mom has some mental problems going on and is not trying to slowly kill me intentionally..

but I dont want to be like her.

Anyways...I now know how to pick up stitches. Mom be damned.

As for those socks..I think that particular ball of yarn must have some sort of curse on it..I have had to rip that thing about 4 times....

Yanno..maybe I cant really knit after all?
I am in a cant paint, cant knit, bad Mom, bad daughter," my poor husband", terrible friend funk.
And the only chocolate in the house is dark...ugh.